Memoir Feedback

The memoir is about my first time having surgery, and the lack of moral support I had due to my family's absence throughout the experience.

The main criticism I received on my paper was to make it more interesting, add more personal details to make the story more relatable, and to remove the chronological order it was in. There was also a bit of confusion towards the conclusion as to why I chose to write about this, or the point of the story in general.

I thought this criticism was the most valuable and helped a lot because I'll admit I was a bit lost at the beginning. I also took the advice from the fellow bloggers' comments to choose this topic because of it's potential dramatic and emotional tone. I will definitely try to make this paper more interesting because even though it's hard for me to explain, it was still a significant event in my life. However, I don't want to make it seem like I am playing the victim, or looking for sympathy. That's definitely not the point I want to come across. Even though it was a part of the experience, I don't really want to emphasize this too much. Taking the story out of chronological order seems like a good idea as well since it may keep the reader engaged without spilling everything out at once. Lastly, I want the reason for telling the story to come through at some point in the paper clearly. I could possibly make this happen by using the emotional factor, and explaining how the situation affected me at the time.